Star Fox Assualt: Randomness
by ShadowSparxx
Summary: The random adventures of an alternate story for Star Fox Assualt! Randomness! M for over-use of cussing, and possibly more!
1. Part One

**Hey! This is a random story I came up with some time ago. It might be funny, who cares. Well, this is a different version of the campaign in**_** Star Fox: Assault**_**, enjoy!**

"Alright bitches! Let's do this!", said Wolf, the leader of_ Star Wolf_.

"_Star Wolf_?!? What the fuck are you guys doing here? We thought it was _Star Fox!_", yelled the Admiral of the Cornerian Fleet.

"Those candy asses are probably watching TV or something, if not, I know what Fox and Krystal might be doing...Besides, we hacked the _Great Fox's _defense system, broke in, messed up the Arwings, and ate their Cheetos!", said Wolf.

"Hehe, I think it was good to leave a camera in their room.", said Leon.

"Their room?!?", Panther asked.

"Yes, THEIR room! They are married! Not many people know though also, it's fun to watch them have 'Fun'. Here, I'll put it on the moniter of your Wolfen.", Leon replied to Panther.

"NOOOOOO!!! I don't want to see them do that! I want to do that to her!", yelled Panther.

"Panther, you really have problems. So...shut the hell up, you little fuck! Let's just get on with this mission.".

"Alright, hey look! Which way do we go? Left or right?", Leon asked.

"I'll go right, you guys take the left, let's move!", Wolf yelled.

Wolf fired his twin lasers repeatedly at the ship. The ship exploded into thousands of pieces, "Hell yeah!", Wolf yelled.

"All ships! Avoid the armada's fire! Aim for Oikonny's flagship!".

"What the hell? You guys? Oh well...", Leon asked.

Wolf immediately stopped when he heard Fox, he turned his Wolfen in the _Star Fox_ team's position. He began to fire the lasers while screaming, "Hahahahaha!!! Take that you mother fucking bastards, who don't deserve to be called assholes!".

Slippy's ship was hit by all of the lasers. "Ah crap! Sorry, but I have to lea-", Slippy never finished the sentence. His ship blew up, Slippy along with it, "Hahaha! He's finally dead! Finally!", Falco yelled.

"Where is Krystal's Arwing?", Panther asked. He noticed that one Arwing (Fox's), was shaking.

"I'm not even going to ask...", Panther said.

About three hours later, Andross' surviving fleet was almost completely destroyed. Fox's Arwing began to stop shaking, Fox flew towards Oikonny's ship.

As he approached, Oikonny said, "About time! I've been here for three hours! You know what? You owe me 17,000 credi-", Oikonny never finished the sentence.

Fox fired seventeen Nova Bombs at Oikonny's ship, obliterating it.

"Wow...Ok bye! See you later in this retarded storyline!", Wolf said, as _Star Wolf _flew off into the stars.

**Alright, this probably sucked! If you think so, review! If you think it was good or funny, leave a review! Well, I'm actually going to continue this if people like it, for every good review, I will eat a five dollar bill.**


	2. Part Two

**Hello again! Please, please, please, read and review my Oblivion story! I've been waiting for a while now to get a review, also, there will be ten chapters in all for this series sadly. Maybe I could do a Star Fox 64 version...Oh well, tell me what I should do after this. Two reviews in about two days? Nice! The most I've gotten in two days is...Zero! Two is my new record. Read an' review! Also, I hope you enjoy this...(I'm goin' to type in a Scottish accent at the ending Author's Notes, why? 'Cause I'm part Scottish!).**

"Star Fox! We are going to eat pie, and while we do that, Fox will attack a completely deserted, and safe Katina Military base, in the middle of nowhere!", General Peeper said (Heheh, noticed that? It wasn't a mistake, it's General Pepper...).

"Wha-what?!? You're sending me in alone while everyone else is eating pie?!?", Fox asked.

"No, your team is not eating pie, Beltino and I will be eating pie, and 'Peeping'.", Peeper said while looking in a Duffle bag for some Night-Vision Binoculars.

"What are you looking for, General?", Slippy asked. Who had appeared out of nowhere living...

"WHAT THE FUCK! YOU DAMN TOAD! YOU'RE STILL ALIVE?!?", Falco screamed, as he did whenever he said something.

"Yes, I always am...Heheheh...", the Toad said Maniacly while reaching for something in his pocket.

Peeper found the Binoculars and stood up, "Aha!", he yelled.

"Die you fucking Bear! I'm goin' to send you straight to fucking Hell! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!", Slippy yelled as he pulled a Blaster Pistol out.

Slippy fired the pistol, the shot struck home, in the Stomach.

"I'm..Not a...Bear...", Peeper said as his last words.

Umm...Slippy, this is supposed to be a Parody! Not a murder story!

"Shut the fuck up before I kill you too Sean!", Slippy yelled.

Fine.

Then, Slippy exploded into teeny tiny bits.

"That's it! I'm going to gut you like a Fi-", Slippy said before exploding.

Hahahahaha! Take that Slippy! I have control over everything you do!

That goes for the rest of you! If you do something I don't want you to, YOU SHALL DIE!!!!

"OMG HAXORS! I JUST OMGD IN MY PANTS! ROFLCAKES, I THINK PEEPER IS DEAD! NOES! OH WELL, I'LL JUST STEAL HIS BINOCULARS!. OOOOH!!! MY SON IS DEAD!!!!! LOL, :) :D.", Beltino screamed

Shut up Old Man! Then, for some unknown reason, Beltino "Haxord" until he suffocated.

"HAXORZ, HAXORZ, HAXORZ, HAXORZ...(Five minutes later) HAXORZ, HAXOR-!", Beltino then died.

Then, Falco left the room. "I'M GOING TO GET SOME CHEETOS!", Falco said.

"Fox, I think we have some extra time...", Krystal said Seductively.

"Oh, I see...Let's eat some Cheetos!", Fox said.

"No. This.", Krystal jumped on Fox, Falco returned to a closed door and Moaning.

Falco immediately ran to the Surveilence room Slippy was forced to make in Falco's room. He selected the Briefing room camera (Which was in full color), and zoomed in on Fox and Krystal.

"SWEET!! JACKPOT!!!", he screamed.

Three hours later, they went to the Arwings, "HOW THE FUCK ARE WE GOING TO DO THIS?!? I JUST ATE CAKE!! I'M GOING TO THROW UP IN MY ARWING!!!!", Falco screamed.

Falco! Why do you have to scream so much?!? My ears are still fucking ringing from the first time you spoke today!!!

"SORRY SEAN, I'M GAY FOR FOX, THAT'S ALL. I THINK IF I DO THIS HE'LL BE ATTRACTED TO ME!!!!!", Falco screamed, once again.

"Cra-what the fu-". Fox ran as fast as he could to his Arwing.

Ok people! Time for random thingamabob.

What do you want to happen? Text to 555-555-Michael Jackson Party Land and text...

A: For Falco to rape Fox!

B: Krystal to say her third or fourth line in this whole series!

C: Michael Jackson Party Land to appear on Katina!

D: Fox to kill Falco!

E: Detailed Sex scene of Fox and Krystal!

F: Beltino coming back to tell us the meaning of Lol, Omg, and many more Internet Slang things!

**Alright people, send me a message for one of those, or leave a review for it, until I get two or three people picking, I will not write a new chapter! Bye people!**


	3. Part Three

**Hello again! Last time I forgot to type in a Scottish accent, so I'll do it now. So, ah told ye tae vote last time, well lads, the winner is...E, ah've never written on o' these, don't expect it to be funny or Romantic...It's goin' to be funny (I'll try). Also, ah got three for this...Probably more people will vote for it. I'm really not into this stuff but...It's meant to be random. Anyone who's offended by this, well...I'm really sorry, that's all I can say. If any of my friends from School read this (Which I know two people might), I repeat, I AM NOT INTO THIS STUFF. Well, here it is, once again, I AM NOT INTO THIS STUFF (I wonder why I don't say, "I AM NOT INTO THIS SHIT".) and also, I'm sorry, I really would've done F, or maybe something else...Luckily, I'll type it next chapter, if anyone wants to change it, PLEASE!!! Something other than E! Don't torture me like this!**

"I hope Slippy's dead for good now...", Fox said as the team's Arwings flew towards Katina.

"ME TOO", Falco screamed.

"Shut the fuck up Falco! I am not gay! I HATE YOU!!", Fox yelled.

"BUT WE BOTH HAVE THE SAME FIRST LETTER IN THE FIRST NAME", Falco screamed as he did twenty-seven Barrel Rolls in a roll.

"I don't give a fuck! I am not gay! So, you my friend...", Fox said.

"Hey! You didn't let me finish my fucking sentence!".

It isn't my fault, remember? If you don't listen to me, you die.

Fox gulped, "Ye-yes sir!".

The Arwings began to land on the surface. Everyone headed in, Falco, being gay, only had to look at his enemies to kill them.

Enter the base now!

"Ok ok!", Fox yelled while he ran into the base with the team.

As they entered the base...

"Ok, what's going to happen now Sean?", Krystal asked.

Umm...Wow, your third line in the story! Alright.

Twenty-three Argonians, all Micheal the Argonian (My Oblivion character, his real name is Micheal) attacked them, each of them in full Daedric Armor with Daedric weapons.

"Oh fuck! Why would you do this Sean?!? Nothing can kill those guys! Not even Rockets! Well...Let's run...", Fox said.

"...Wait, Falco! I'll do something with you if you sacrifice yourself to them!", Fox yelled.

"OK!!! FINALLY!!! I'M GETTING A B**ER JUST THINKING ABOUT IT!!!", Falco yelled running into the group of Micheals.

Wow Falco, you are GAY...YOU SHALL NEVER COME BACK!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!!!

"Sean, calm down, really. Is this from the people wanting E?", Krystal asked.

Yes, hmm...I'm going to enter the story, I'll leave the Narrorator on Auto-Pilot.

"Hi! I'm here! In the flesh!", Sean said.

"We know that, how about getting rid of those guys?.", Fox asked.

Sean stopped running and turned around, "Alright, once I'm done, make sure there's a Hot Pocket waiting for me.", he said.

"Taste Molten Hot Pockets!!", Sean yelled.

He had gloves on that could resist the heat of a Star. The temperture of the Hot Pockets were 17,000 degrees Ferenheight.

He threw the Hot Pockets at the Argonians, "AAAAHHHH!!! IT BURNS!!!", one of the Micheals said.

Once all of them were dead, Sean said, "Heheh, luckily I didn't bring the REAL one here, those ones were the weakest clones of him. The most they could do is kill half of the people in one Country. Not much.".

"Not much?!? That's ALOT of people!", Fox said.

"You should see what a weak version of Tristan can do! Shit!.", Sean said.

"What can he do?..." Krystal asked.

"You don't want to know.", he replied.

Sean looked around, he began walking in the direction of a giant Mushroom outside of the base.

While he was doing that, Krystal jumped on Fox.

Once again, three hours later...

"Alright guys, this chapter's endin' soon. See ya later.", Sean said.

"Bye.", Fox and Krystal said, both fully clothed.

"Ah shit!! I can't leave! Crap crap crap!", Sean said.

Hahahahaha!!! I'm here now Sean!

"It's...Tristan?!? Wow, it's the real Tristan I know...He's a pretty good friend.", Sean said.

Yep! It's me! I'm going to drop some Grunts from Halo 3, Ok? They'll be nice, and the Arbiter will be there too!

"Umm...Ok, hey Tristan, I just finished the Author's notes, could you type 'em down? And try to spell EXACTLY like it.", Sean said.

Ok, see ya soon!

**So guys, remember, just remember to not pick E, please...Don't torture me! Ok, it's going to be next chapter...Whichever one it is! See ya soon!**


	4. That Was Unexpected!

**Sorry for the delay, I was...Doing stuff. I wasn't doing that you Perverts! Ok...I don't want to do it but...Here I go...Damn you pervs.**

"Were it so easy...", the Arbiter said.

"I don't think we said anything.", Sean said.

I think you did Sean!

"Stop it Tristan! Could you give my position as Narrorator back?", he said again.

"Where it so easy...", the Arbiter said again.

No! Not until you do me a favor...

"And what is that?", Sean asked.

You should know...

"Ok...Readers! There will be no Sex scenes! I wanted to see how many of you were Perverts!...", Sean said.

"Ok, that last part wasn't true, I couldn't bring myself to do it. So, (Don't get mad!) I have something else!", Sean continued.

**Author's Note: I was given permission to use the character, "Yami Getsuei", from, "Yami Getsuei", I know the person in Reality, and Yami Getsuei is not her name! I won't say the name either. **

"Clearly, I'm running out of ideas, I have nothing against her characters. Umm...Really! Reccomendations people!", Sean said.

Ok Sean, have the spot back, bye!

Ok...I'm back, time to end this madness!

"Don't do it Sean!", Fox yelled.

BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM SHACKALACKALACKALACKA!!!!

Well readers, I wasn't planning this but, it was going to get TOO crazy, sorry. I'll work on some other stories. I need to do some other things.

"Why?...", Fox asked.

You're alive?!? BAM!

Yay, I shot him. This story is really just random, not my real state of mind.

So, this story has become...

**OBSOLETE!**


	5. Part Five

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!! I tricked ya didn't I?!? I told a friend I didn't! HAHAH! Well, I haven't gotten much typing in 'cause of stuff...Still not that "Stuff" you Perverts! Alright, so, PLEASE read my Oblivion stories. They are more detailed than the Star Fox ones I type up. Also, I may come up with a story written by my friend. Remember Tristan? Him, he plays Oblivion, he's a higher level than me. He's tryin' to make one or two for his character, I edit them. Ok...Onto the story! Oh, I'm workin' more on mah Oblivion stories soon. VOTE!!**

Hahah! Now...Fox will talk in "Third Person".

"Wait...Fox is alive? No! Fox is speaking wierd!", Fox yelled.

Alright, I already got permission, so...

Damn it! I don't know the character's personality! Oh well, I'll try next time.

"Fox, are you all right?", Krystal asked.

"Fox is stuck talking like this! Help Fox!", Fox said.

Fine, I'll get rid of it, it was getting annoying anyways.

Suddenly, seven "Helljumpers", from Halo dropped into the atmosphere.

Whoa! A detail Narrorator? Nice! I can speak normally!

"You mean type?", Krystal asked.

Umm...Yeah. Those guys were supposed to come at...Sentence thirty-seven!

Oh well.

"Helljumpers on the ground!", the leader of the Orbital Drop Shock Troopers yelled.

"OH NOW THEY"RE USING LINES FROM HALO WARS!!!!", Falco yelled.

"Falco! What are you doing here? Damn it...Get away from Fox...I have an idea...", Krystal said.

Krystal looked deep into Fox's eyes.

"AAAAAAHHHHH!!! KRYSTAL!!! Stop staring into my soul!!", Fox yelled.

Krystal then jumped on Fox.

"Krystal!...Now I get it...", the Orange furred Vulpine said.

"OMG!!! NOES!!!", Falco yelled.

Umm...Luckily they still have their clothes on...Wait, nevermind...This is disturbing.

Man...I'm running out of jokes! I just can't come up with anymore!

**Don't worry, I'll come up with some more. I'm going to be using ALOT of time for Oblivion stories. Sorry, heheh, I'm going to start all of the stories...Just to give you a preview. Or I'll make the my next Oblivion chapter a Prologue one, who knows?**


	6. See Ya!

**Hey! It's back! After a LONG time, it returns! Soon this story will end. I'll start another Randomness one, or...Star Fox 64: Randomness! Review! Maybe another SFA one, who knows?**

"I think Sean is tired of this story.", Fox said.

"I think so too.", Krystal said.

Randomly, the two heard the sound of three Wolfens landing nearby.

"...Ok, this has mostly taken place on Katina, why? Let's change it!", Sean said.

The six were teleported to Fichina.

As Leon exited his Wolfen, he realized how cold it was.

"It's fucking cold! I'm a fucking Chameleon, you fucking piece of fucking cracker shit!", Leon said.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! That was racist! You called me what?!?", Sean said.

"I called you a fucking piece of cracker shit.", the Chameleon replied.

"That's racist.", Sean said.

"Well, I think that you're going to be dead in...Three...Two...On-!", Leon said before he was shot by a 50 Caliber Sniper Rifle.

"OOPS!!!!", Falco yelled.

"I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO THAT!!!", he yelled again.

"Great, now people want me dead, serves me right for killing a high ranking Mafiya Hitman...Actually, more like accidentally running the Godfather over.", Sean said.

"My humor for SFA is dead, sorry, I'm ending this one early. See ya in SF64 Randomness!", he finished.


End file.
